Post-adoption depression is common and can make you feel misunderstood or guilty because the expectations you had were different, but you must know how to move forward.
Post-adoption depression is similar to postpartum depression. It happens after having contact with this new addition to the family that requires all our care and attention. However, for some reason, we feel unable to carry out all this.
When depression arises after adopting a child we do not know how to act. We are lost, disoriented and, above all, we feel misunderstood. We really wanted to have that child. However, now, we are sad and unable to care for him without really knowing the reason.
The causes of post-adoption depression
Although at-first, we-can does not understand this type of depression, the truth is that among its causes our expectations about what it means to adopt. There are multiple beliefs that can act on this decision and, although we think that they do not influence us at first, they actually do.
Expectations as parents
Before having a child, we all fantasize about certain expectations about how we are going to educate our children and how we are going to be as parents. But, at the moment of truth, all of them can collapse.
We thought we were not going to lose control, and we lost it; we thought that we would know how to master the tantrums of the child, but we are not capable. All those high expectations make us fall apart when reality becomes present and nothing happens as we Had imagined.
Expectations regarding children
The expectations that we can have with the children can make us imagine them as healthy children in all aspects. Sure they will behave well, that they will attend to what we tell them, that they will not have any kind of problem that can not be solved …
However, it can happen that the Adopted child has some kind of lack and this causes problems in their behavior. Also, that you have some difficulty to link with us or, even, that we discover that you have some kind of delay.
Expectations of the environment
What our family and friends think about adoption is very important. Many people believe that-it is better to have a child of oneself, others consider that all adopted children come with problems … In short, these are beliefs that others have and that influence us in someway or another.
Depending on the opinions that our environment has regarding adoptions, we will be more susceptible or not to suffer post-adoption depression. Phrases like “I already told you”, “you thought it would be easy”, “now you can not turn back ” will not help anything in these cases.
Expectations with society
We can find judgments from other people who criticize our decision. Also, children may say-to our children at school phrases Like “then your parents are not your parents” or “you do not have a real family”.
All this can twitch us and make a part of us come out that we do not like at-all. We will feel misunderstood and with a great lack of support. However, focusing on-this in this is not going to-help us. For that reason, we are going to see some strategies to face post-adoption depression.
Strategies to cope with post-adoption depression
The above circumstances, if we are not able to face them with serenity, can make us fall apart. However, there are some strategies that can be very helpful:
Recognize post-adoption depression:
Many people suffer from it even though little is said about it. Recognizing and accepting it will allow you to ask for help and successfully overcome this phase of your life.
Become aware of the-need for a support:
Finding people who understand you or who have gone through a similar situation will be very important. Also, it is necessary to move away, at least for the moment, from those who judge and have toxic beliefs about adoption. This will make it difficult for you to get over it.
Take care of yourself:
Visits by social workers to see that the child is being cared for properly Can generate stress and an eagerness to be the perfect caregiver. However, this should not cause you’re to be careless. Keep taking the time to do some exercise and eat well.
Isolating yourself is not one of the best options since post-adoption depression can increase. The positive will always be to seek support and to people who are willing to-help you at this time. To become friends with whoever is in the same circumstances as you will be something positive.