In the same way that people who live permanently in short romantic couple relationship get frustrated without understanding very well why it has not worked yet, those who have been living together for years also often suffer the ravages of routine and boredom.We hear constantly about tips to recover passion, improve communication and even feel more attractive to meet a person ‘special’. Great , but all these efforts do not always translate into triumphs and we started to think that it is not possible to maintain a stable and lasting relationship.
Enough of negativity. The sexologist expert in couple relationships Tracey Cox collects in The Daily Mail 10 scientifically backed keys, which, besides being very simple to carry out, guarantee that your relationship lasts over time.
Domestic economy: how much does money matter?
“It is not the amount of money that each one has that predicts the success of a couple relationship , but how you manage with what there is,” says Cox. And his sentence is supported by a recent study according to which couples who have shared economies- that is, with common accounts-are more likely to continue together in the long term than those who keep money from each party separately.
People who practice ‘sexting’ and suggestive or explicit photos are sent, are more sexually satisfied with their partners
“The management of common finances requires maturity and makes people able to resist personal expenses ‘on a whim’ and plan better, both important characteristics for couples to stay in the future, ” he explains. That “to share is to live” or “what is yours is mine” seems to bear fruit in what love refers to. Of course it is also fulfilled if what is shared is a debt, a union, sometimes, that goes beyond ‘until death separates us’.
Yes, maintaining a regular and sincere communication with our partner is a fundamental part for this to work, but what if they tell you what you have to talk about is sex? According to research conducted by the University of Drexel, people who practice ‘sexting’ -suggested conversations through mobile devices- and send suggestive or explicit photos, are more sexually satisfied with their partners than those who do not. The authors of the study, experts in psychology, found that there is a “solid couple relationship” between the ‘ sexting ‘ and the level of happiness. Good news considering that 82% of the participants said they had started practicing in the last year. Keep reading EMERGING TRAVEL TRENDS OF 2018
Accept your partner
Communication is important, but it does not make any sense if we keep it with someone we do not have respect for . Quality leader for years in global surveys on the main characteristics that a couple must have to function. “We all have positive and negative qualities. Instead of recriminating our partner when he does not say or think something improper about us, we have to assume that they are different people and that they behave differently: we have to accept them as they are and allow them to act in their own way “, recommends Cox.
Besides being something that the ‘ well-born ‘ do, giving thanks from time to time to our partner can transform a couple relationship. A maxim, is to be educated, endorsed by scientists at the University of Georgia, who, after interviewing 468 people to find out what was the feature of their partners that made them feel better, found that gratitude was the protagonist of marriages that They declared themselves happier . You do not have to walk behind the other person thanking him for breathing, it is enough with small gestures like helping in some task or getting ahead to do it if it is always one of the two who carries it, everyday gifts like preparing a coffee or some another improvised compliment.
“Another attitude whose results always help, regardless of who does the research,” Cox jokes, “is that the more they touch each other – not sexually – the relationship will be happier.” The physical affection helps us to calm the stress and improves our mood in general thanks to the increase of the levels of serotonin in our organism, that hormone known as the one in charge of making us feel good. As they say, ‘ make love ‘, so do not hesitate to graze with your partner, the more times a day, the better.
Your treasure: friends
In general, friends are much better at predicting the success of our relationships than ourselves, so be aware of their advice and assessments on the progress of your life as a couple or your behavior since you are with a new person. “If your friends do not rate your partner well, the chances that the commitment is less, there is little confidence or lack of sexual communication are quite high,” says the leading sexologist of the British newspaper. Needless to say that if your environment suggests that someone does not like you, you will be much more defensive with the other person and you may even sabotage your relationship.
If something has bothered you, talk about it and explain why. So you can rest easy and make sure it will not happen again
Not only that, Cox insists that, in addition to trusting them, we should not leave our social relationships aside for the simple fact of being with someone: “Several surveys conducted last year revealed that couples who were happy in the long term saw more to his friends and did as many things separately as together. ” It is worthwhile that your partner is your priority, but it can not be the only important thing in your life.
Couple relationship weekly sex
If there is any doubt that we should at least practice sex regularly , a study published in the journal ‘Social Psychological and Personality Science’ will convince you: couples who have sex once a week were happier. But beware, because according to researchers we must apply the ‘one and no more, Santos Tomas ‘ so that our life as a couple is really stable and satisfying. As they explained in the presentation of the study, it seems that doing it more often does not alter the increase in levels of happiness, enough with a weekly meeting.
“Those cozy nights curled up on the sofa watching movies are fine, but the trick is to balance them with doing ‘exciting’ things,” says Cox, and, once again, his colleagues attest that he’s right: after asking a series of couples that marked on a calendar the ‘exciting’ or ‘pleasant’ days they had enjoyed in the last 10 weeks, a team of researchers found that couples who had enjoyed more of the former felt significantly more satisfied with their marital life than those who led a much more ‘pleasant’ life, however comfortable they found it. Stop ordering food at home, get up from the sofa and dine in a nice new place, and, to get the combo, cheap.
In the opinion of Cox, one of the great discoveries of 2015 in terms of relations was the one determined by researchers at the University of Chicago: it seems that when one of the two parties – in particular, the husband – shows a high level of positivist, There are fewer conflicts in the couple relationship. “Show enthusiasm and pride with us and our company strengthens the bond; show indifference or often bother with our partner, puts at risk what you have, “warns the expert.
Do not hold a grudge
We insist: we all have positive and negative qualities. “If something has bothered you, talk about it and explain why. So you can be calm and make sure it will not happen again , “So the next time you’re upside down and ask ‘if something happens to you, stop denying the biggest and incarcerate . It is the only way to clarify things and prevent them from happening again.
Tips for a lasting couple relationship
Make positive comments. Often, couples who have been in couple relationship for many years fail to emphasize the good things about the other person . It is usually taken for granted that they are obvious issues that need not be said or that have already been said on other occasions.
However, making positive comments reinforces the bonds of the relationship . Related to this, the specialist advises to reduce the intensity of criticism .
The number of positive comments should be much higher than the number of negatives for the couple relationship to be healthy. Sometimes it is better to avoid a criticism that can ignite a heated discussion .
Pay attention. Knowing how to listen is an essential quality in life as a couple . Failure to pay attention to the person with whom you live is one of the most clear symptoms that the couple relationship is in a stage of decline .
Apologize. Asking for forgiveness is an art, especially after a discussion in which we believed to be right, a fundamental issue to settle and forget the possible damage caused.
When the wounds are badly closed, it will be easy for them to reopen at the minimum sign of remembering the situation in discord. Although one believes with the right, it is useless to demand the other person to apologize to us because when things are still hot, and if he has a minimum of self pride, he will never acknowledge his guilt.
Moreover, the situation can lead to the typical “and you more” tug of war. What the coach advises is to try to reduce the tension and return to the subject when the situation has calmed down .
Respect your partner’s space. Each one must have their own space to develop their personal goals, professional goals or, simply, to be with their family or friends. It is so damaging to focus only on oneself and leave the couple on the sidelines of everything, such as being excessively dependent .
Worry about the little details. Day to day can make us fall into monotony if the details are not encouraged , although these seem at first sight insignificant. Your partner will appreciate the surprises and your concern for details that in isolation seem trivial, but that together make the difference between a happy and a bitter.
Do not press. When your partner goes through a bad time and decides to cut off communication and distance himself, do not press him . If someone is stuck when he is in this situation, the only thing that will be achieved is that he moves further away from us.
When you feel better again and breathing space again to come to us and appreciate that we learned to respect their time of mourning , “advises Lerner .
Understand that your partner is not going to change. The defects of a person will not disappear magically for many years to pass. It does not make any sense to maintain the hope that they will be corrected , because the tempo will cause the opposite to happen. The most appropriate is to assume that the person with whom you have decided to live will hardly change. It will be the best for both.
One last piece of advice from Lerner. I entente get along with your family policy. The loved ones of your partner should be, as far as possible, also yours. Build “a good family triangle “.
Finally, couple relationship is a bond of love that arises between two people. A relationship of couples has different stages when it evolves in positive. The infatuation , the stage of courtship, the consolidation of history and marriage . Currently, it should be noted that more and more couples are avoiding to take the step of marriage to live together as a couple without organizing a wedding event. A couple relationship can be rewarding, in that case, it is a positive bond in which love is a sum and not a subtraction. True love is that in which two people complement each other despite being different, have a compatible lifestyle, similar values and shared illusions. In addition, each one has its own space.